White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
