I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
