Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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