I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
