FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
