You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
