Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I believe in your delicious
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize