tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she looked like the before picture.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
