You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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