"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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