just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
