he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
