Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
