my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
