I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
