I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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