If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
