I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
