I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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