debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
