bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
