Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
