i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
