We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
