I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
