every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
