I wish they made helmets for livers.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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