Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
