Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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