peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
