none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
