I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
