i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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