You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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