i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
