dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I smell like Dick and happiness
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
