There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize