i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
