spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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