I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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