I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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