I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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