I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
