all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
