if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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