I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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