I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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