I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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