Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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