dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
