I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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