what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
