my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
