He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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