So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
