You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
