Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
