isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
