Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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