I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize