well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
