I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize