Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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