Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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