Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize