She said her name was "party"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
